stamp it


From the London Telegraph newspaper:

In an article about erectile dysfunction:
"A traditional test to see whether erectile dysfunction is caused by physical or psychological issues is to attach a ring of postage stamps around the base of your penis when going to bed. If the ring is broken in the morning, it suggests your penis is functioning during the night (men get a number of erections while asleep), pointing to psychological issues."



This is THE most ridiculous thing I have ever read. And, no, I didn't make it up.

Putting a ring of stamps around the base of your penis is a "traditional" test? Guys should attach a ring of postage stamps around their penis before they go to sleep? Really? Whoever thought up THAT test must have been a real weirdo! "Hey, I have this roll of stamps, let me put some around the base of my penis before I go to sleep and see if I get a sleep-induced hard-on and break them. If I do, then I'm OK." Are you kidding me? Or maybe the doctor writes you a prescription--for a roll of stamps.

Who thought up this crazy idea? Maybe it was the Postal Service, as a way to sell more stamps.






new trendy phrase


California is having a severe drought. Lawns and hillsides are turning brown from lack of water. Conserving water is a serious matter. Angelenos are being urged to limit taking showers, limit washing their cars and watering their lawns and to cut their water usage by up to 25% or more.

The other day, in the midst of our long and severe drought in trendy hip Los Angeles, I discovered a new trendy phrase. The newest and trendiest phrase. What is it and how did I discover it?

While walking into a local upscale trendy supermarket I noticed a bunch of small plants for sale displayed outside the entrance to the store. Some of the plants were cacti. The display was labeled: "drought resistant". There it is, the newest trendiest phrase in L.A. hipsterdom. Drought resistant. Now, everything will soon have to be drought resistant. Bottled water will have to be made drought resistant. Toothpaste will have to be drought resistant. Pet food will have to be drought resistant. Medications will have to be drought resistant. EVERYTHING in L.A. will have to be drought resistant if it wants to be trendy. Even vaginas and breasts will have to be drought resistant! Penises too.

Welcome to trendy, and dry, L.A.






I don't know



I find myself saying "I don't know" a lot. Why? Because, as the world keeps rapidly changing, and, thanks to technology, getting more complicated, I find myself unable to keep up. I find myself unable to learn or understand the new things that younger people are doing and using to reinvent America. America is changing. America is changing--fast. The things and basic values I took for granted are disappearing, and being replaced by lots of superficial fads and trendy trends.

Thus, all too often my response to a question these days is: "I don't know". All too often, I am noticing that everybody else's response is also "I don't know". Today, it's only the 11-year-olds that know everything.

The older I get, the less I know. Yes, I am over 40, and already becoming a dinosaur. I'm a dinosaur. I don't want to be a dinosaur, they're extinct.

I used to be able to keep up with things, I used to be able to be on top of what's happening. I can't anymore. I also used to be younger. Now, at the advanced age of 60-something, I'm falling behind, the world is going by and, for the first time in my life, I'm not part of it. And, no, I can't learn the new stuff: I can barely drive my car or use my computer, because they're so frickin' complicated. I no longer have the energy or attention span to learn tons of new things. That's what happens when you get old. The good thing is that I get to write fun and funny things about it. And I get to take a nap during the day and eat cake at night. So, while the world whirls by, I get to laugh at it, and myself.

Nonetheless, these days, the older I get, the less I know. I used to be cool. Now, I'm just old. What does that mean? I don't know.






remote control



In the old days (in 2015), before we had TV's that you controlled by talking to them, or TV's that could read your mind, and do what we the viewer wanted it to do, we had what was called a remote control (TV remote).

In the old days (2015), the TV remote was a hand-held battery operated device that controlled the off/on, sound, channel selections, and a host of other TV related functions. My remote has 56 buttons. What, 56 buttons? Yes, it has 56 buttons, only a few of which I ever use or even know how to use. Having 50+ buttons on a TV remote control is crazy! Using a remote control to watch TV is crazy. Not only is the TV remote extremely complicated--only engineers and 11-year-olds can use it--in addition, you're always losing it somewhere, likely under a blanket or chair or something, periodically replacing batteries and, worst of all, using it wrong and messing up your TV.

The TV remote is a dinosaur
Today, cars can drive themselves, appliances can turn themselves on and off, robots will soon be taking over all the boring areas of our lives, and we are stuck with 50-button hand-held TV remote control devices? Archaic. The hand-held TV remote is like the typewriter: ancient. The TV remote is a electronic dinosaur! And, like dinosaurs, it needs to be extinct. Where's the TV that listens and responds to voice commands? Where's the TV whose command chip gets imbedded in your head? Where's the TV that can cook you dinner and babysit the kids?

C'mon, you TV makers and cable companies, it's 2015--the future is now--get busy and update the remote control!






coffee erection


From the London Telegraph newspaper

Two cups of coffee a day reduces risk of erectile dysfunction

A new study has suggested that erectile dysfunction can be cured by drinking coffee

Researchers from the University of Texas found that men who consumed at least two cups of coffee a day saw a 42 per cent reduction in the occurrence of erectile dysfunction.

3,724 men over the age of 20 who participated in the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey were asked about their caffeine consumption and if they suffered from erectile dysfunction. The data took into account the amount of coffee, tea, and other high-caffeine drinks they consumed on average per day.

The study suggests that caffeine helps to relax arteries in the penis which increases the blood flow.



Who did this survey, the coffee industry? Firstly, I remember being in my 20's. Getting it up was NOT a problem. Men in their early 20's rarely have erectile dysfunction, unless they are binge drinking and then trying to have sex. Secondly, I can tell you this: I am well over the age of 20, or 30, or 40, and I have three cups of coffee every day. And, believe me, it DOESN'T cure erectile dysfunction!






do the right thing



In life, in our deeds and endeavors, since the beginning of the human race, we are supposed to "do the right thing".

How can you do the right thing if you don't know what the right thing is? Today, it seems like many parents, and other "authority figures" are not teaching children about the basics of what is right and what is wrong. Today, it appears that way too many young people in America do not know, or even recognize, the concept of right or wrong.

Today, it's all about the concepts of "diversity" and "fair and equal" and "no bad or good, everyone is the same".

Today, apparently, many kids are being taught there is no good or evil.

Today, apparently, many kids are being taught that there is no right and wrong.

And that is a perfect example of WRONG.






walk gay


Vienna traffic signals go red and green, gay and straight


VIENNA (AP) — Some Vienna pedestrian traffic lights are suddenly not only red or green. They're also gay or straight.

Over the past few days, the city started setting up lights at pedestrian crossings that show pairs of figures instead of the usual stick men. Some depict a man and a woman. Others, two women. Still others, two men. All couples are complete with hearts.

The lights are being erected at 47 crossings and will stay up until June. Vienna hosts several events linked to tolerance during that time, including the Life Ball, Europe's biggest charity event for AIDS and HIV research, and the Eurovision Song Contest, won last year by Austrian cross-dressing pop star Conchita Wurst.

Pedestrians were neutral to positive when asked Tuesday whether they liked the concept.

But not all Austrians are amused. The Freedom Party has announced it is lodging a criminal complaint against Vienna Councilwoman Maria Vassilakou, who is in charge of traffic issues in the city.

Party officials say the lights contravene traffic regulations and are a waste of taxpayers' money at a cost of $70,000.

The city in turn says that the lights conform to laws — and are meant not only to show tolerance. Municipal officials say they also hope the signals will draw more attention from pedestrians and reduce jay-walking.



Can't the city government find a better way to reduce jaywalking? And don't the gay and lesbian crossing signal mean that gays and lesbians are being singled out for committing a crime, the crime of jaywalking? In any event, it's another example of political correctness gone wild. Here's an idea: if you want to include all groups, and don't want to offend or exclude gays and lesbians, change the Walk/Don't Walk signs to show legs only--no male or female figures. Of course, then you'll be offending people who have no legs.

Extreme political correctness, hyper-sensitivity, is now applied to EVERYTHING. When does it end? How about when you're DEAD? Oops, we don't want to offend the dead--let's call them "permanent sleepers" instead.






claim denied



I had a severe Vitamin D deficiency. It was serious.

According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH): "Vitamin D deficiency is a global health problem. With all the medical advances of the century, vitamin D deficiency is still epidemic. Over a billion people worldwide are vitamin D deficient or insufficient. Yet no international health organization or governmental body has declared a health emergency to warn the public about the urgent need of achieving sufficient vitamin D blood levels.

Vitamin D3 deficiency can result in obesity, diabetes, hypertension, depression, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, osteoporosis and neuro-degenerative diseases including Alzheimer’s disease. Vitamin D deficiency may even contribute to the development of cancers, especially breast, prostate, and colon cancers."


Obviously, having a severe vitamin D deficiency is no laughing matter, it's a serious health issue. And I had a SEVERE vitamin D deficiency. My doctor diagnosed me, via a blood test, and put me on a massive dose of vitamin D and follow-up maintenance doses. My vitamin D level improved but was still well below normal. My doctor was monitoring my deficiency and every six months or so he would check my level by including the vitamin D test in with my other blood tests.

Recently, I had another set of blood tests, including the vitamin D test. The results of that test were not as severe but still low, still below the suggested medical minimum level of vitamin D. I am still vitamin D deficient. Today, I got a bill from the lab that did all my recent blood tests. The bill stated that I owed them $91. Understand this: I have excellent insurance. I have a PPO, which covers 80% of my medical procedures, et al, and supplemental health insurance, which covers the remaining 20%. I should never have to pay anything out of pocket for any necessary procedures that are covered by what my numerous doctors want to medically do to me. Suddenly I am being billed for almost $100, from the blood lab,for a needed--and prescribed--blood test.

I phoned the lab and they told me, "Medicare and your supplemental insurance company denied your claim and refuse to pay for the vitamin D test. You owe us $91." I was stunned. I said, "Wait a minute. I had a severe vitamin D deficiency and my doctor has to monitor it regularly. How can my Medicare and Blue Shield refuse to pay for that blood test? It's NECESSARY." The lab rep said, "I guess Medicare and Blue Shield don't think it's necessary." "THEY don't think it's necessary", I shot back. "My doctor--and my body--thinks it necessary!" The lab rep replied, "What can I say, you owe us $91."

To be fair, I do not expect my health insurance to cover the cost of my vitamin D pills but I DO expect them to pay for blood tests which monitor my epidemic deficiency! Needless to say, I was angry. Will I now have to pay nearly $100 every time the doctor needs to see if I'm still deficient in this important vitamin? If so, what's the point of having health insurance if they're not going to cover my necessary health care, especially if my medical issue is a fucking epidemic!

It appears that, now, in modern America, it's the insurance companies that determine the patient's health care--not the doctor. What the hell is that!? There's a worldwide vitamin D epidemic and health insurance companies don't want to pay for periodic blood tests, blood tests that are absolutely necessary in order to monitor the suffering patient who has been medically diagnosed as being part of the epidemic??? What kind of health care is that? Why is my health being determined by insurance companies? Did the health insurance companies go to medical school? Are they licensed to practice medicine? Do the health insurance companies see, and heal, patients in THEIR office? NO. So why are they allowed to decide what doctors can and can't do--with MY body?

Welcome to the new America.






under the bed



NORRISTOWN, Pa. (AP) — Authorities say a man living in a suburban Philadelphia assisted-living facility has lost his housing subsidy after officials found a prostitute underneath his bed.

Uri Monson tells The Intelligencer in Doylestown the man, believed to be in his 70s, paid prostitutes using profits earned from peddling alcohol to fellow residents.

Monson says the man was a "more mobile gentleman" who went on booze runs for his neighbors.



He hired prostitutes and hid them under his bed? OK, that's a little weird. In any event, any guy in his 70's that can perform with a prostitute should not only be forgiven for hiding her under the bed, he should get a standing ovation from the assisted-living staff!






never too old



ANDERSON, Indiana. (AP) — An Indiana woman who will turn 100 years old later this month has received her high school diploma more than eight decades after she originally was supposed to graduate.

Lora Lois LeMond White Hardy needed just four more credits to earn her diploma from Anderson High School in 1933 — at the height of the Great Depression — when she was forced to quit school and work at a company owned by General Motors to help support her family, which included seven younger siblings.

"I lacked four credits when my dad got sick," she said. "I got a job, and that was about as good as you could hope for back then."

Hardy initially worked on an assembly line making car horns. She retired from the automotive company more than 40 years later, in 1976.

"She has stated that her biggest regret in life is that she was not able to complete high school and earn her diploma," Superintendent Terry Thompson said.

Hardy, who lives in Florida, returned to central Indiana to receive her diploma. But she wasn't aware that a ceremony would be held to commemorate the occasion.

"I knew I was going to get the diploma, but I had no idea it would be all this," she said.

As Hardy sat in the front row of the board meeting, wearing a traditional cap and gown, Thompson presented her with a bouquet of flowers and the long-awaited certificate. Family, friends and other attendees stood and clapped as she read over the honorary diploma.

Hardy will celebrate her 100th birthday on May 28.



You are never too old to finish your education. Or to achieve your dream, whatever it is. Do it. Do it now.






how I cured the common cold


In my life I used to get a lot of colds. You know the symptoms: sore throat, sneezing, nasal and chest congestion, misery. The misery can last for days, weeks or even months.

Now, I get fewer colds and they go away faster, usually with less severe symptoms. Sometimes, I can stop the cold dead in its tracks--before it becomes a full-fledged cold. How do I do this? How do I cure the common cold?

First of all, how do you get colds? I am not a medical professional so my answer(s) are my own personal opinion, based on my own personal experience. (I am NOT rendering any medical advice here, I am only putting forth my own thoughts and actions). The most common way I used to catch a cold is, I believe, from personal contact with a person (or a surface) that has active cold germs or the cold virus (or whatever a cold is). Contagious people and surfaces then infect me and I catch the cold. How do I cure the common cold when I get one? Here are my rules to prevent, or treat, a cold, minimize the symptoms, and make it go away ...

Rule #1: Avoid people, especially if they have a cold. I try to avoid crowds during cold season. I also try to avoid school children whenever and wherever possible during cold season. Kids are notorious for going to school, catching a cold from another child, and then bringing it home and infecting their parent(s). The sick contagious parents then go to work (because they have to or because they're stupid) and infect people at work, who in turn come home and infect family and friends, who then infect others they come into contact with. This is the "multiplier effect" and serves to effectively transmit contagious colds throughout the society. Rule 1b: if you're sick, and contagious, stay home!

Rule #2: at the FIRST sign of a cold, I start treating it! If I begin to have even a little sore throat, I run for the medicine cabinet. If I sneeze three times within a minute, I run for the medicine cabinet. What's in my medicine cabinet that I use to treat colds? In my medicine cabinet I have only one over-the-counter cold remedy. That remedy is zinc. It's a brand name zinc lozenge. Some over-the-counter medications do contain chemicals that make you drowsy. If I have a cold but need to function I can't afford to be sleepy. And some over-the-counter cold remedies contain potentially dangerous chemicals, chemicals like pseudoephedrine, chemicals that have been linked to causing heart attacks. Not wanting to have a heart attack and die by treating my common cold, I use only zinc lozenges, brand name zinc lozenges. When I recently caught a cold (the start of a sore throat, nasal congestion) I grabbed my zinc lozenges right away and took one. Here's what happened. Over the next four days, I took the zinc lozenges as directed and my cold symptoms were minimal. My symptoms did not interfere with my normal functioning yet I knew I was sick and knew I had a cold--I just didn't have ANY miserable symptoms. In fact, thanks to the zinc lozenges, I barely had any symptoms at all. After four days, I stopped taking the zinc, because my cold was gone! I have used this method for a number of years and the last 6-7 times I caught a cold, I have had the same or similar results.

Rule #3: Give the cold away. When I do begin to catch a cold I try to give it to someone. I might shake hands with someone (a good way to get and give a cold) or kiss a pretty woman, or in some other way make contact with someone with a contagious part of my body. Preferably, I try to give my cold away to someone I don't like. That gives me a goodly number of potential recipients. I have found that giving my cold away to someone else is a good way to get rid of it ... and the person I give it to. Plus, every time I have infected someone else with my cold I seem to get better, or get rid of my cold, almost immediately. Yes, I am kidding about giving your cold away. No, I'm not.

Rule #4: I monitor my symptoms. If I find my symptoms do get severe, or don't lessen over time, or I notice non-normal common cold symptoms, I call my doctor, or go to the Emergency Room. Why? Because I am not a doctor and do not know the difference between the common cold and pneumonia, or bronchitis, or Ebola or some weird viral disease that can kill me. I monitor my symptoms and, if really sick, I seek immediate medical help. It's better to be safe than sorry! Or dead.

That is how I cure the common cold when I catch one. Or, if I can't avoid it, or can't cure it, I can hopefully minimize it, by following these rules. Thanks to these rules, and because I live a relatively no-fun healthy lifestyle, catching a cold is usually no big deal for me. To recap, here are the rules:

Rule #1: Avoid people, especially if they have a cold

Rule 1b: If you are sick, and contagious, STAY HOME!


Rule #2: At the FIRST sign of a cold, start treating it

Rule #3: Give the cold to someone

Rule #4: Monitor the symptoms

Catching a cold isn't exactly a fun party but it doesn't have to be a week or more of complete misery either. Following my 4 rules, I can usually avoid getting a cold, kill it quickly if I do get one, or at least minimize it to being a minor inconvenience.

Following my 4 Rules, that's how I cure the common cold. After a lifetime of suffering from a cold I cured it, I cured the common cold, at least for myself.






limp grip early death



From Time Magazine

A Limp Handshake Could Predict an Early Death Say Scientists

A new large-scale study suggests that grip strength could serve as a “simple, inexpensive” test for heart disease and other health risks.

The study, published in the medical journal The Lancet on Wednesday, found that people whose grip strength declined the fastest faced higher risks of health problems, including strokes and heart disease. In fact, the study found, grip strength can be better than blood pressure at predicting risk,

According to the study, every 11lb drop in grip strength was correlated with a 16 percent rise in the risk of early death.

The researchers, who studied more than 140,000 people in 17 countries between 2003 and 2009, say more work is necessary to further explain the connection between grip and health risks.



A weak limp grip can predict an early death? Why bother going to Med School, maybe doctors could just shake your hand to see how healthy you are.

A limp handshake can predict an early death? Does that mean that anything "limpy" can cause early death? If you walk with a limp will you die early? What about a limp dick? If you have a limp dick and can't get it up, maybe you WANT to die early!






live to be 100



(From CBS News)

How do you live to be 100? To find out, UnitedHealthcare's 10th annual 100@100 survey asked centenarians for their attitudes and opinions on health, family and life.

Keeping a positive attitude topped the list of ways to stay healthy, with a quarter of centenarians saying it was the most important factor to a long life. Eating healthy was second on the list, followed by getting regular exercise and keeping busy.

Feeling youthful was also important. More than half of centenarians surveyed said that they actually feel twenty years younger than they are, which reinforces their sense of optimism.

Sixty percent of survey participants said they don't feel old at all.




my additional response:

95% of the 100-year-old men surveyed said that seeing "pretty girls with big tits" also made them feel younger--MUCH younger.






yummy crickets



California’s first edible cricket farm to open

That’s what entrepreneur Elliot Mermel is hoping will happen. The 25-year-old is jumping into the emerging edible insect industry by opening what he calls California’s first urban cricket farm for human consumption in Van Nuys.

“I asked the question everybody else asks at first,” Mermel said Friday. “Who the hell is going to eat a cricket?”

As it turns out, at least 2 billion people worldwide eat insects as part of their diet, and the cricket is being looked at as a healthy, protein- and mineral-packed food source that could help sustain a growing global population.



2 billion humans eat insects? Who eats crickets and other insects in America? Not me. Who eats insects in America? I don't know. Maybe the same trendy eaters who go to trendy restaurants for minimum meals at maximum prices eat insects. The Insect Diet is coming to America! It will be all the rage, you wait and see! Soon the American diet is going to include edible crickets and other insects? I can see it now. Organic supermarkets throughout America will be featuring an "Organic Insects" section. No doubt soon I will be getting flyers announcing their weekly sales. "Edible crickets and grasshoppers: 2 for $10!"

Or this scene, coming soon to an upscale trendy L.A. edible insects restaurant:

Server to diner: "Hello, I will be your server this evening. Are you ready to order? Would you like an appetizer?"

Diner: "Yes, I'd like to order now. As an appetizer I'd like the Cute and Cuddly Crickets. For the entree, I'd like the Warm Wiggly Worms. With a side order of Cooked Cockroaches and Sauteed Spiders. And a glass of iced beetle juice. Oh, and a large barf bag for dessert."






gluten-free turkey


seems like everything these days is gluten-free

I eat a turkey sandwich for lunch. I put the deli turkey meat on dark rye bread, with a bit of horseradish mustard. It tastes good.I have done so, every day, for years. Why do I eat the same thing for lunch every day? Because I don't care what I eat for lunch; I just want something reasonably filling, reasonably tasty and reasonably healthy to put in my stomach at lunchtime.

My local supermarket, where I shopped for over twenty years, was recently taken over by another supermarket chain, an "organic" supermarket chain. The organic supermarket allegedly offers better food, healthier food.

With some anxiety, I visited the new supermarket on opening day. I am not a big fan of sudden change and I was anxious about the new supermarket possibly forcing me to either adapt to their "organic", gluten-free" health food, or start shopping at another supermarket.

Once inside the new supermarket, I walked over to the deli section to buy some turkey. Along the way I saw signs and banners everywhere, proclaiming "gluten-free" vegetables and other assorted foods. At the deli counter I searched for my usual turkey, for which I usually paid $7.99 a pound. I searched and searched and could only find several varieties of the store brand turkey, all prominently proclaiming to be gluten-free. They were all priced at $11.99 a pound. Wait a minute! I was paying $7.99 per pound at the old supermarket, now, at the new supermarket, I had to pay $11.99 per pound? That's an increase of $4 a pound--an increase of 50%! That's the price for freaking gluten-free turkey???

"Are you serious," I asked the deli manager. "Where's my $7.99 turkey breast deli meat?"

"We don't carry that anymore. We only carry gluten-free turkey."

"At $11.99 a pound?" That's $4 a pound MORE."

The deli manager shrugged and said, "Everybody wants gluten-free."

"I'm not paying $11.99 for your turkey. I'm not paying $11.99 for ANY turkey sandwich meat, I don't care that it's gluten-free," I replied.

"Gluten free is healthier," said the manager.

I replied, "I've been eating gluten for over half-a-century--and I'm not dead yet."

Is buying gluton-free products stupid, is gluten-free a stupid fad?

From Holly Strawbridge, Former Editor, Harvard Health and the Harvard Medical School:

"After being confined to health-food stores for years, gluten-free foods have become the latest food fad. Supermarket aisles abound with products proudly labeled “Gluten free,” and many restaurants now offer gluten-free options.

For people who can’t tolerate gluten, a protein found in wheat, rye, and barley, this abundance is a blessing. But lately it’s become hip to go gluten-free. Based on little or no evidence other than testimonials in the media, people have been switching to gluten-free diets to lose weight, boost energy, treat autism, or generally feel healthier. This doesn’t make much sense to Dr. Daniel A. Leffler, director of clinical research at the Celiac Center at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston.

“People who are sensitive to gluten may feel better, but a larger portion will derive no significant benefit from the practice. They’ll simply waste their money, because these products are expensive,” says Dr. Leffler, who is also an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.
"



I went to another nearby supermarket and bought good old glutenized turkey. I paid $6.99 a pound, less than I used to pay for deli turkey and $5 per pound less than the new organic supermarket's stupid gluten-free deli turkey. What can I say, I'm a glutton for gluten.

In an news update, the supermarket chain quickly went bankrupt and, on September 25, 2015 announced it was closing all its stores in California.






waste more want more


bomb-sniffing elephants?

The federal government is spending at least $294 billion of taxpayer money this year on hundreds of expired programs.

The 19-page “America’s Most Wasted” report is the first in a series of oversight studies from Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) meant to highlight examples of wasteful and duplicative government spending.

McCain identified $1.1 billion in wasteful spending on projects that included an Army research study into the bomb-detecting abilities of elephants, puppet shows in Vermont and the creation of a dog bite prevention website, among others.

The $294 billion that is being spent on expired programs stems from a report the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office released in January. Last year, the government spent $302 billion on unauthorized projects.

“I believe the 'America’s Most Wasted' reports should serve as a wake-up call to Congress and the American people keep their government accountable by demanding an end to wasteful government spending,” McCain said in a statement.

The report found that the Army is spending $50,000 to research whether elephants in South Africa can detect bombs.

It also found that the Social Security Administration has issued more than $225 million in overpayments to more than 106,000 students. Children with a deceased, retired or disabled parent have access to these benefits until they graduate or turn 19. McCain’s report said $2.5 billion in benefits is provided to 4.4 million children nationwide each month.

The National Guard has spent $49 million on advertising deals with professional sports leagues to support recruiting, the report found.

The government is also spending $14 million on a program at the Department of Agriculture to develop a catfish inspection office even though the Food and Drug Administration already has one.

The National Institutes of Health (NIH), the report said, awarded a grant worth nearly $391,000 to a university to develop a website to teach children about dog bites.

Another $15,000 grant issued by the Environmental Protection Agency was given to a university to study pollution that emanates from backyard barbeques, the report said.

Elephant bomb detection? Puppet shows? A dog bite website? A backyard barbeque pollution study? And the government spent hard-earned taxpayer dollars on these things, why?

$294 billion wasted by the government on expired projects and programs. And the government wants MORE money to spend? Spend more, waste more. Waste more, want more.






naked drunk driver



From FoxNews

GRANT TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Michigan authorities say they arrested a naked drunken woman who was driving the wrong way after leaving her naked husband and their child at a rest stop.

The Clare County sheriff's department says 23-year-old Jessie Schwaub-Devault of Harrison left her husband and child along U.S. 127 about 4:30 a.m. Tuesday.

The department says Schwaub-Devault refused to stop but eventually got out of her SUV and ran before being arrested.

The sheriff's department says Shwaub-Devault was arraigned Wednesday on charges of drunken driving, fleeing police, indecent exposure and child abuse. It says 32-year-old Joshua Devault was arraigned on indecent exposure and child abuse charges.

Both remain jailed Wednesday evening. It's unknown if they have lawyers to comment on the charges.

OK, that's certainly bizarre. It's a good job reporting the news, except for a couple of things they seemed to leave out. Why did she dump her husband and kid at a rest stop? Why were they out at 4:30 in the morning? AND WHY WERE THEY ALL NAKED?






birthday lottery ticket



On my birthday I bought ten lottery tickets. The jackpot was $100 million. If ever I would win a lottery jackpot I figured it would be on my birthday, my special day. On my special day, I would be treated by the universe, by God, as special, I would win the lottery, I would win the $100 million jackpot. I will be set for life. I will give millions of dollars to my friends and family. I will be rich. No, I would be wealthy! I will be healthy, wealthy, and wise. I will have more fun than a human being should have. I will be soooo happy!

Gleefully, I purchased my lottery tickets. I bought ten tickets, ten quick picks, for ten dollars. I only needed one of the ten tickets to have all the winning numbers in order to win the huge jackpot. I had ten chances to win $100 million on my birthday. If ever I would win a huge lottery jackpot it would be on my birthday!

After the lottery drawing, I excitedly checked my numbers. I won! I was a winner! Did I win the jackpot? Did I win $100 million? No, I won $1. I won a lousy dollar. I spent ten dollars and won one dollar. In other words, on my birthday, my special day, I played the lottery--and lost nine dollars.

God hates me.






chewing gum kills



From Fox News

"Samantha Jenkins was only 19-years-old when she died on June 3, 2011, from what is believed to be complications stemming from her excessive chewing gum habit.

An investigation into her death revealed that the teen, from Llanelli, south Wales consumed up to 14 sticks a day, according to The Guardian (a UK newspaper). Jenkins died in her mother’s arms days after she suffered a violent seizure that sent her to the hospital. Doctors said large wads of green chewing gum were found in her stomach and may have led to her body’s inability to absorb vital nutrients like calcium, magnesium, sodium and potassium, according to the report.

Jenkins fell unconscious after constant seizures caused her brain to swell and doctors were unable to revive her.

Jenkin’s mother, Maria Morgan, 45, told investigators that she believes that her daughter died from being poisoned by sweeteners like aspartame and sorbitol that are found in gum, according to The Guardian.

Dr. Paul Griffins, a pathologist who performed a postmortem examination on Jenkins, also reportedly suggested the sweeteners contributed to her death, according to The Guardian.”


Seems like just about everything is bad for you. Now even chewing gum is hazardous to your health? The government solution? The government's solution is to ban it. Or overtax it out of existence. Or maybe the government should just ban everything or overtax everything. Oh, wait a minute, they're already doing that.






back to the future



let's hear it for the '60's

Imagine that, some of the biggest problems in America in 2015 are: racism, class warfare, the war on women, and gay rights. And here I thought we addressed and solved these problems in the 1960's, 50 years ago.

And all this time I thought America was going forward--into the future--when, in reality, we're going backwards--into the past. What's next in our future, bringing back the horse and buggy?