heat seeking penis missile



FRIDAY, Dec. 30, 2016 (HealthDay News) -- Doctors report that they have crafted a penis implant that becomes erect when heated. The new implant uses a heat-activated exoskeleton of nitinol, a metal known for its elasticity.

A urologist could do a simplified operation to insert the nitinol implant, which would remain flaccid at body temperature but could expand when heated. The implant designers are working on a remote-control device that could be waved over the penis to induce heat and expand the implant.



Huh. A heat seeking penis missile. What will they think of next? Will it automatically get hard in warm weather? Will it work better in hotter climates? Will the implant have automatic summer hard-ons? Will your cell phone signal accidentally activate it? When the guy with the heat seeking penis is done having an erection does he have to stick his dick in the freezer to make it flaccid again?




Pot jobs



New job opportunities for Americans. Pot jobs. Yes, marijuana. Thanks to many states legalizing pot for medical or recreational use the cannabis industry is booming!

From fool.com

"the cannabis industry extends beyond just growing, processing, and budtending at the retail level. Job opportunities are flourishing in security (since most banks refuse to deal with marijuana-based businesses, cash is still king), courier and delivery services, regulation, web and software development, consulting, and marketing. In fact, CNBC notes that roughly 400 students have enrolled in a 12-course program offered by the Northeastern Institute of Cannabis in Natick, Massachusetts that'll potentially jump-start their career in the cannabis industry. As with any industry, employment pay can vary, but managers and shop owners can certainly make six figures under the right conditions."



Yeah, soon kids will go to college or trade school - and major in marijuana. At least they'll love the homework! Then, after graduation, with a Dope Degree, they can enter the cannabis industry and make a career of it. "Hey, man, don't bug me about my stinky joint, smoking pot is my job!"

Assuming it's true, here's a news story that proves the future has already arrived. From MyNewsLA:

Most employers bar drug-takers. But an Orange County (south of Los Angeles) -educated man’s help-wanted ad on Craigslist insists that applicants be “420 friendly” — at ease with marijuana use.

“If you don’t test positive for marijuana, it will be strange and interesting,” says the ad for a promotional marketing manager with BudTrader.com, which calls itself the largest online medical marijuana marketplace. “But medical marijuana use is not a requirement.”

Pay isn’t bad for someone who needs only a high school diploma or GED: “$60,000 base [a year], plus bonuses, commissions and unlimited ‘samples’ of various marijuana/CBD/hemp-related products.”

Others perks: You get to “oversee [a] bevy of supermodel promo girls at upcoming events” and you get a free gym membership with a haircut and styling by a “top stylist.”


Care To Comment?

Facebook optical illusion



When I comment on posts in Facebook Breaking News, Facebook often asks for confirmation that I'm not a robot. As a non-robot I have to enter a bunch of distorted Captcha letters and numbers into a form by deciphering a blurry confusing unreadable group of letters and numbers that are generated. I can never read the Captcha text. I don't have vision problems; I can't read the Captcha offering because the letters and numbers are blurred together like an optical illusion! I have to reload the Captcha offering 4-5 times before a set is remotely readable. Frustrating. Annoying. Stupid. Do I look like a robot?



Death to Porch Pirates



From USA Today

"Thanks to modern technology, we can buy just about anything online and get it delivered to our doorstep in a snap. Not only has that been insanely convenient for us, but it’s also created a giant window of opportunity for so-called “porch pirates” too.

According to a recent report, at least 23 million Americans have had packages stolen from their porches, mailboxes, and stoops."

According to the LA Times: "They operate in the middle of the day, when many residents are at work and the delivery vans are making their rounds. They tend to follow FedEx, UPS and U.S. mail workers down streets, on the lookout for packages they can nab. Some even dress in uniforms to avoid suspicion."



Porch pirates? Maybe homeowners should pressure their political representatives in Congress to pass a federal law making porch piracy a death sentence offense. Or at least life imprisonment. Or put up a fake security camera with a sign saying "Smile, you're on camera. Die bitch." Or, if you're expecting a package, stay home - with a gun - and wait for a porch pirate to arrive and try to steal it.




watch your language



Here's a couple of funny language puns I made up. Say/read the punchline fast.

1. What did the lady say when she went to a Paris health spa and was asked if she wanted a massage by a handsome young stud on staff?

She said, "Oui, masseur".

2. What did the regular patron at a fancy Southern restaurant say when the waitress asked him if he wanted his usual champagne? "Oui, ma Dom".




Eating Linner



Because I get up early and eat breakfast and lunch early I am hungry again at like 4 PM. As a result I often eat an early dinner.

My dinner time is other people's late lunch time.

As a result of my schedule, and my age, I often eat an evening meal at late lunch/early dinner time. I eat my evening meal in the late afternoon/early evening. Is it a late lunch or an early dinner? It could be either one, depending on what you eat. It could also be both lunch and dinner. Late lunch/early dinner. It's called linner. Yes, according to the Urban Dictionary, it's an actual word. I eat linner. Yum.



Care To Comment?

I hate Yahoo email



I have had a Yahoo email account for 16 years. Now, for "security reasons" Yahoo won't let me log in without changing my password etc. I don't want to change my password, I have my Yahoo login info set on numerous devices and numerous browsers and do NOT want to change them all. I don't give a damn if my Yahoo email gets hacked, I only use it to sign up for unimportant sites and also get all my non critical unimportant stuff and/or spam there.

The Yahoo sign in form will not let me sign in unless and until I make the change of password. I refuse to do that. Yahoo does NOT give me the option to leave my password the same. As a result I cannot access my yahoo account or my yahoo email. Yahoo locked me out of my own account and is forcing me to change my password. And there is NO way to contact Yahoo customer support. No chat, no email, no phone number. As a result of all this I now hate Yahoo!

UPDATE
I just saw a breaking news story from Reuters that over 1 billion Yahoo user accounts were stolen in a hack in August 2013. Yes, that's 1 BILLION! And again, in 2014, 500 million Yahoo user accounts were hacked.


Pee like a girl



I was considering buying the above Calvin Klein boxer briefs. They weren't cheap so I wanted to make sure about fit, comfort etc. No, you can't go to the department store, rip open a package of men's underwear and try them on. Thus, buying underwear is always a risk. And, all too often the brand you wore for a decade has changed, is made in some cheap-labor country, doesn't fit well and is of much lesser unacceptable quality. Junk. And unwearable. The underwear I have been wearing for years fit well and looked good but are getting old and wearing out. It's time to buy new underwear. Unfortunately, the new version of my existing underwear has changed; I tried two different sizes and both sizes suck and fit badly. Hence, my going upscale and considering switching to expensive designer men's underwear, boxer briefs. In a cool camouflage pattern. And, no, I do not wear tidy whities and haven't since high school. And I've tried a number of brands of briefs and none fit well. I have insanely spent hundreds of dollars unsuccessfully trying to find underwear that looks good AND fits.

I checked amazon and they offered the Calvin Klein brand and style. In my size. I zoomed in on the item and it looked like good quality and the reviews said they were a good and accurate fit. So far so good. I could not, however, tell from the photo if they had a side or top opening in the pouch for ease of urination. I definitely wanted that. I asked the question of the amazon "community" and received an answer promptly. "No, there is no opening in the front". What? Without a front opening how does a guy unzip his pants and take out his penis to pee? There is no opening in the front of the underwear to do that? That means that a guy has to unzip and unbuckle and unbutton his pants, pull down his pants, then pull down his underwear just to pee. And, standing up, that's not convenient. Or quick. Or, with your pants falling down around your ankles, not good for your balance. The other alternative is to do all that and sit down on the toilet and pee. Pee like a girl. Hey, underwear manufacturers, I don't want to go through pulling down my zipper, undoing my belt, unbuttoning my pants and pulling down my underwear just to take a leak! And I CERTAINLY don't want to do all that and then sit on the toilet and pee like a girl! When men only have to urinate real men pee standing up!

In taking away the front opening, men's underwear designers are taking away our manhood! Men's underwear designers are taking away our manhood and turning us into girls! When I have to urinate I just want to easily and quickly and safely whip out my penis - through my fly - and whiz away into the toilet! Standing up. Like a man.

That being the case, I am definitely not buying these Calvin Klein boxer briefs. What will I do for underwear? I don't know. Maybe I'll go commando, and not wear underwear at all. Ugh. Or maybe I'll try "Depends" incontinence underwear and just pee in my pants.




Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary! To me. As of December 7, 2016 it is been 5 years since I smoked a cigarette. On December 7, 2011, I stopped smoking - and started vaping. That's right, after decades of smoking a pack a day, thanks to electronic cigarettes (e-cigs), I stopping smoking - in 1 day!
And, as a result, my house doesn't stink, my car doesn't stink, and I don't stink. The e-cig brand that I use has no odor at all! And, with e-cigs, there's no filthy ashes, no matches or lighter needed, no burning, no littering and NO deadly second hand smoke.

And I am not inhaling the thousands of unhealthy chemicals usually added to tobacco, because electronic cigarettes contain NO tobacco!

Happy Anniversary, to me. As of December 7, 2016 I have not smoked a cigarette in 5 years. Not one. And I don't miss it and I don't even WANT a cigarette. I prefer my e-cig.

Happy Anniversary, to me! And my cardiologist, my other doctors and my family and friends are happy about it too! And, since my mouth doesn't stink from cigarettes, and doesn't smell and taste like an ashtray, women might even want to kiss me. THAT'S reason enough to celebrate!

As for the government hysteria over teens using e-cigs, the minimum legal age for buying e-cigs in California in 2017 will be 21. If the government wants to stop teens and pre-teens from vaping, instead of overtaxing/banning e-cig sales to adults, ENFORCE THE LAW.



hard of hearing?



Are you having some difficulty hearing? Feel like one of your ears is blocked, or both ears? I did too. Keep reading.

Years ago I started having trouble hearing. Both ears felt like they were clogged. I, of course, ignored the issue as I did not want to deal with hearing loss, hearing aids or deafness. I chalked it up to aging. Yes, I was over 40, no longer young. OK, I was over 50.

I ignored my hearing problem for months. OK, years. It wasn't getting any better but it was not getting a lot worse either. My father had to wear a hearing aid later in life. Was my hearing difficulty hereditary? Maybe. Getting old sucks. And some people lose their hearing while they are in their 20's, 30's or 40's. Life sucks. Ears suck. Keep reading.

Finally, I could stand it no longer. I could not hear anything at normal volume. I had to get my hearing checked and, if I had to get a hearing aid, so be it. I dreaded making an appointment with an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist but I did. I showed up for my "hearing loss death sentence", and in the examination room sat down in the patient chair. The doctor came in and I said,"Hello, I can't hear." He nodded and proceeded to look in both my ears. Then, to my surprise he said, "Congratulations. You have the most ear wax I have ever seen in my 30 years of practicing medicine." "What?" I replied. He then told me that the reason I thought I was going deaf was because my ear canals were blocked with ear wax. "What?" I replied. "What does that mean? Why is it happening? And how do we fix it?" The doctor said that my ear canals were abnormally shaped and this did not allow the ear wax to normally exit but instead caused my ears to become clogged. I asked him how long had this been going on? Was it a sign of age? He told me that I probably had the increasing wax buildup for decades, that's why I was "hard of hearing". I was not losing my hearing at all, my ears were clogged, my ear canals were not getting rid of earwax as ears normally do and it built up until I could not hear normally. Huh. The doctor proceeded to clean out my ear canals - painlessly. It took like half an hour. He was quite impressed with the amount of ear wax I had accumulated. I said, "It's not my fault that my ear canals are funky."

After the treatment I could hear again! In fact, now that my stupid ear canals were no longer clogged with ear wax, I could hear as good as when I was in my 20's. Maybe better! And I was no longer hard of hearing. And I did not need a hearing aid(s). And I was not going deaf. Wow! I was a happy patient.

And, since my ears did not expel ear wax like normal ears, every six months or so I visited the doctor and he cleaned out my ear canals - and I could hear perfectly again. I had the hearing of a teenager!

That's my story. What's yours? The reason I wrote this true story is that, if you're having trouble hearing, stop delaying and go visit the doctor. Maybe, just maybe, like me you won't need a hearing aid or aren't going deaf. And, even if you are, hearing aids today are tiny and practically invisible. And they even have implants now. So, please go have your hearing checked. It's no fun not being able to hear well, especially if it's easily fixed. Go. Go now. You'll be glad you did. So will everyone around you.




Parents as bad as teens



From NYDailyNews

"Parents of teens have just as egregious a screen habit as their tech-savvy offspring, a new report from the nonprofit Common Sense Media found.

The national survey of almost 1,800 parents of kids ages 8 to 18 found parents spent on average more than nine hours a day with TVs, computers, video game consoles, e-readers, smartphones and other devices — 82% of which was “personal screen media” rather than work-related."

According to NPR, "And despite spending a big chunk of their day with a device, most parents — 78 percent — told the researchers that they are modeling good media habits for their kids."



Good media models for their kids? Really? Parents spend 9 hours a day on their screens and think they are setting a good example for their children? Nine hours a day? If a parent works 8 hours, spends an hour getting to and from work, and gets 6 hours of sleep a night that comes to 15 hours per workday. That leaves 9 hours a day. So, parents, like their kids, are on their screens EVERY minute of their free time? OMG. That leaves no time for a family to talk together, to communicate without distraction, for a parent to teach their kids good values, no time for reality, no time for nature, no time for anything that does not involve a screen. In other words, parents have no time to parent. That is not good for society, or it's children.




Young and nearsighted



From livescience.com

"Teens and young adults who spend more time outdoors may be less likely to become nearsighted later in life than those who spend less time outdoors, a new study suggests.

People in the study who spent more time exposed to ultraviolet B (UVB) radiation — which the researchers calculated based on the participants' exposure to sunlight — between ages 14 and 39 were less likely to be nearsighted at 65 than those who spent less time exposed to UVB radiation, the researchers found.

"Increased UVB exposure was associated with reduced myopia, particularly in adolescence and young adulthood," the researchers wrote in the study, published yesterday (Dec. 1) in the journal JAMA Ophthalmology. Myopia is a term that eye doctors use for nearsightedness, where people can more clearly see objects if they are closer."



Wrong. I say teens and young people who spend all their time indoors are more likely to be nearsighted, not just due to lack of sunlight, but mainly because they are constantly staring at and using their cell phones 24/7, 2 feet from their face! Doing that for years will train your eyes to see clearly things that are close but near zero training on focusing clearly on things that are far away, due to not looking at things farther away than your cell phone. Duh.



can't start 'em too young. or can you?




deadly drowsy driving



From Minneapolis StarTribune

"Drivers who sleep less than seven hours a night significantly raise their risk of getting in a crash, and motorists who miss two to three hours of sleep in a 24-hour period are about as dangerous as those who drive while drunk.

Those are two of the findings of a new study out Tuesday from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety looking at the dangers associated with drowsy driving, which is a factor in more than one in five motor vehicle crashes each year."



WOW, driving while drowsy can be deadly! To you and me.

The place to fall asleep is in bed not in the driver's seat.




big time waster



From aol.com

"Ever feel like you spend more time searching for something to watch on TV than actually watching a program? Turns out, that sentiment isn't far from the truth.

A recent study suggests that the average American will waste 23 minutes every day trying to find something to watch. That's 1.3 years of your lifetime wasted on changing channels or sorting through the TV guide."



There's like 900 cable TV channels and often, even during prime time, there's little or nothing good to watch. We wouldn't have to waste 23 minutes a day searching for something to watch if more TV shows were worth watching! Not to mention suffering through way too many TV commercials.




Saturday Night Stupid



I noticed that on Saturday night there's never anything on TV that's any good to watch. Saturday night is stupid TV night, full of repeats and lousy shows. The networks and cable apparently refuse to offer TV viewers new - and good - fare on Saturday night. Why? I assume they think nobody stays home on Saturday night, that every adult in America is out partying on Saturday night. Maybe TV execs are 20-year-olds who live in a bubble and believe everyone is like them. They're wrong. And stupid. There are 76 million Baby Boomers in America, That's 76 million OLD people, many too old to go out and party on Saturday night. Millions and millions of TV viewers are sitting home on Saturday night, with nothing to watch on TV.

I do not understand why the TV polling services don't do a poll re Saturday night prime time viewing. Or, if they do, the dumb TV execs are ignoring the data!

C'mon TV executives, don't be Saturday Night Stupid, give us some new good shows to watch on Saturday night!




dark movies suck


Movie directors take note: scenes that you shoot that are so dim or dark that they can't be seen are not cool.

I rented "The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2" last night and watched it on my HD TV. Towards the end of the movie they were in an underground tunnel for like 20 minutes ... and I couldn't see a thing! I could not see the characters, could not see the monsters attacking the characters, could not see any of the action. For 20 minutes I was "in the dark" as to what was going on in the movie. I was sitting there watching a nearly black screen wondering what was going on and unable to see anything on the screen. I was annoyed at this. Why shoot a scene so dark that the audience can't see it??? What's the point? It's dumb, it pisses the viewers off, makes them lose interest and makes the director look like they don't know how to shoot a movie.

I rent movies frequently. Not anymore. In the past decade or so I have noticed that many film directors are shooting movies with a number of dim or nearly dark or completely dark scenes. Sometimes the entire movie is dark, so dark you can barely see it. What's the point of shooting a visual scene if the audience can't see it? Maybe directors think it's cool. Maybe they think the audience will like it. Maybe they think we can see in the dark! Well, we can't see in the dark, we don't like looking at a "black screen scene", and it's not cool.

To film directors, on behalf of movie audiences everywhere: Please keep your dark scenes few, and brief. Give us a movie we can watch!!!






ice cream causes cancer



Common additives in ice cream, margarine, packaged bread and many processed foods may promote cancer scientists said on Wednesday. The researchers focused on emulsifiers, chemicals added to many food products to improve texture and extend shelf life. In mouse experiments, they found emulsifiers can change the species composition of gut bacteria and induce intestinal inflammation. Emulsifiers are used in margarine, mayonnaise, creamy sauces, candy, ice cream, packaged processed foods and baked goods. They can make products like mayonnaise smooth and creamy.

According to National Institutes of Health (nih.gov), a U.S. government website, "Overall, they found more and bigger cancerous tumours in mice given the emulsifiers, in addition to some inflammatory changes. It was suggested the reason could be that emulsifiers altered the balance of gut bacteria, creating an environment more favourable to the development of cancer."

The bad news? Practically everything causes cancer, at least in mice. The good news? According to the U.S. government website: "The mice were fed large doses of the substances not comparable to the levels found in food humans would eat. The mice were also given strong drugs both to cause cancer and trigger bowel inflammation. Without these substances, the emulsifiers alone may have had minimal effect."



Aha! Another bogus health scare by scientists, with accompanying scary media headlines. Humans are not mice. That being the case, I am going to continue to eat ice cream. And cake.




Holy Grail of litter



Coke litter, neatly arranged by the a-hole who dumped it

Today, while taking my morning walk, I found the Holy Grail of disgusting litter. What's the Holy Grail of litter (besides a dead body)? A used condom. It was on the ground, in my parking lot. I couldn't believe it! Yeah, it was disgusting. So disgusting that I took a photo and added it in my "litter blog". Yes, I have a litter blog, where I post interesting and unusual litter photos I have taken in my neighborhood and add funny captions to the photos. If you want to see some fun and funny litter photos go to my litter blog. You'll laugh your ass off.



Kim and Kanye at home



From the NY Daily News

"Kim Kardashian reportedly complained on her sister Khloe's talk show that she sunk at least $8 million into the Hidden Hills estate, which she purchased with her husband Kanye West in 2014, TMZ reported.

The main reason the reality TV star is losing so much cash is because her hubby can't make up his mind - often telling contractors to rip things out when he's unhappy with how something looks, sources told the gossip site.

The couple purchased the three-acre, $20 million estate in 2014 and it boasts two pools, two spas and a vineyard. The 15,667-square foot estate also features a gourmet kitchen, eight bedrooms, separate his and hers bathrooms for the master suite, a sprawling gym, an indoor movie theater and eight fireplaces, according to the previous listing on Zillow.com."

After two years of renovation, Kim and Kanye have still not moved into their $28 million investment.


Yes, everybody needs to have a huge house, with a vineyard and two pools. Really? One pool is not enough?

Yes, the rich are different from you and me. They have more money. And live by different standards.



rain delay



It rained in L.A. on Sunday. It was November, before Thanksgiving. According to the LA Times: "Rain triggers 570% surge in Los Angeles County freeway crashes.

According to statistics from the California Highway Patrol, between 9 p.m. Sunday and 1 a.m. Monday there were 201 reported crashes on L.A. County’s freeways — a 570% increase from the same period last week when the CHP counted 30 crashes."



We had an inch of rain in L.A. on Sunday. One inch. During the same weekend my old hometown, in upstate NY, got 18 inches ... of snow.

An inch of rain in Los Angeles caused a 570% increase in freeway crashes. Bad drivers? Not exactly.

After moving to Los Angeles years ago from the East Coast I noticed that drivers in L.A. do not know how to drive in the rain. Instead of slowing down, they speed up - I think to get to their destination faster and get out of the rain quicker. No, I am not kidding. They also do not understand that the road gets slippery when wet and they do not leave extra stopping distance between their vehicle and the vehicle in front of them. Are L.A. drivers rain-stupid? Yes. Probably because they have no experience in driving in inclement weather. We get 330 sunny days a year in L.A. -- and no snow or ice.

Los Angelenos also tend to stay home from work if it's raining, even a little bit. How's THAT for an excuse not to go to work? "OMG, I can't go out, it's RAINING!" What, they'll melt?

And, on Wednesday December 22, we had a little rain again. According to MyNewsLA: "Nearly 200 crashes were reported in Los Angeles County freeways as a result of the rain that fell in the first of two storm systems forecast to strike the Southland , authorities said.

The California Highway Patrol said there were 191 traffic crashes from 5 p.m. Wednesday to midnight. That’s more than three times as many accidents as on a dry day, said CHP Officer Dion Conley ....

Rainfall totals ranging from a tenth of an inch to a half-inch are expected across Los Angeles and Ventura counties"



Yes, L.A. is different. And trendy. And weird. And warm and sunny. I moved here from the East Coast decades ago, and continue to live here, for the warm and sunny weather. On New Year's Day it is usually 70+ degrees and sunny in L.A. And it rarely rains. But, thanks to my teenage years in upstate New York, I do remember how to drive in the rain. And snow. And ice. And, no, I don't miss those cold days (and weeks) of heavy rain, thigh-high snow and icy roads. Ever.




FDA classifies chocolate as vitamin


(Washington) - The FDA today announced that it has reclassified chocolate as a vitamin.

A spokesperson for the Food and Druggie Administration further clarified, "All chocolate, in all forms, has been reclassified as a vitamin. Dark chocolate, light chocolate, white chocolate, milk chocolate, mocha, cocoa, chocolate covered cherries, chocolate cake, fudge brownies, Hershey's kisses, chocolate bars, chocolate chip cookies ... anything with chocolate in it ... is now a vitamin."

Women throughout the U.S. were thrilled with the new classification. One women at the Mall of America, in Minnesota, screamed, "Wow! This is terrific news for me, I'm a choc-o-holic! Excuse me, I gotta go take my vitamins!"

Health care professionals and nutritionists were a bit perplexed by the government's reclassification while a spokesperson for the Binge-On-Chocolate Association, Lotta Pounds, proclaimed, "We're thrilled! Excuse me, I gotta go stuff myself with chocolate ice cream vitamins"

Pharmacies and drug stores across the nation were also thrilled and scrambled to move all chocolate items from the candy section to the vitamin section.

On the downside, now that chocolate is officially a vitamin, consumers should expect to pay substantially higher prices for the product.

Welcome to America.


This is fake news. I wrote this fake news story in 2007. It was published on the satirical news site, The Spoof, and I am reprinting it here, because it's funny, and may even become true.




rich or wealthy



From time.com/money

"Financial security isn’t a number or a threshold. It has to do with what you spend, and save, relative to your income.

Nothing proves that quite like research on millionaires by wealth management firm UBS. Sixty percent of those with more than $5 million defined themselves as wealthy, compared with 28% of those worth $1 million to $5 million. Yet what millionaires mean by “wealthy” is not necessarily financial independence: Only 10% defined wealthy as not having to work. It’s not even a number; only 16% said surpassing a certain asset threshold automatically made you rich.

The majority — two-thirds of those polled — said the whole point of building wealth was achieving financial security, where a single setback isn’t likely to plunge them into the ranks of the not-rich."



Imagine that. Rich or wealthy. Hmm, which would you rather be? "No, I'm not rich, I'm wealthy". "No, I'm not wealthy, I'm only rich". I'm not greedy, either one is fine with me! And anyway, thanks to inflation, $5 million is the new $1 million. It's a good thing I play the lottery!




misnamed sex act



The thought occurred to me that the sexual act of giving or getting a blowjob is misnamed. There is no "blowing", either on or into the penis. No blowing. There is sucking, licking, maybe spitting on, maybe biting, kissing, deep throating, rubbing the penis during a blowjob - there is no blowing.

The word blowjob is a misnomer, a mislabel, a mistake.

The word "blowjob" needs to be changed. Like the handjob, which involves using the hand(s), or the footjob, which involves the feet, a blowjob involves the mouth - and should be more descriptively and accurately referred to as a mouthjob.

Think about it, you know I'm right. Think about it, who cares what you call it, as long as you get one.




the red bentley



I was out driving one afternoon, doing errands. As I was coming to a stop at a red light I looked over and in the next lane I saw a Bentley. A red Bentley. A red Bentley with a middle aged man driving, alone, in his $200,000+ car. Huh, I thought. Very nice car. But RED? Metallic red? What kind of a color is metallic red for a Bentley? It's like buying a bright red Rolls Royce. WHY? Bentley makes lots of beautiful colors one can choose. They have black, grays, purples, tans, greens, whites, maroons. They even have a Porpoise color (whatever THAT is. Grayish?) A metallic red Bentley? OK, I can see a metallic red color for a Ferrari or some other expensive foreign sports car. Or a Ford Mustang. I can see a metallic red exterior color for a Corvette. OK, red is a cool color - for certain cars. But not for a Bentley. It didn't look right. It didn't look like the exclusive expensive extravagant car that it is. It did not look suave and sophisticated. It looked "cheap". It looked "common". That's just my opinion. Of course, if someone can afford to pay $200,000 or more for a car, they can choose whatever color they want! This is especially true in trendy L.A., the car capital of the world.

When I buy my Bentley (after I win the lottery) I will not choose a red one. Maybe I'll get the porpoise colored one. Then again, depending on how big a lottery jackpot I win, maybe I'll get one in EVERY color! Every color except red.




Bee a butterfly



The caterpillar turns into a butterfly.
So can you.




overweight brain


"People who are overweight show more age-related decline in their brains than lean people do, a new study published in Neurobiology of Aging suggests.

After analyzing imaging from 527 adults, the researchers discovered overweight people—those with a body mass index (BMI) over 25—had lower volumes of white matter in their brains than people with a BMI of under 25 did.

White matter is the tissue that connects different areas of your brain with each other and allows for communication between your neural regions. It helps you with everything from memory to thinking quickly.

In fact, overweight subjects had brains similar to healthy-weight people who were 10 years older."



Huh. Imagine that, being overweight ages your brain by 10 years. Luckily, it doesn't make you any stupider.




no good deed



There is an old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished."

I can attest to that.

The other day I was going into my local supermarket and saw an older lady struggling to get a shopping cart out of the row of interlocked shopping carts. I stepped up and pulled the cart out for her. I then noticed that there was a large green piece of paper (food wrapper?) in the bottom of the cart. I asked the woman if she wanted the paper to remain in the bottom of the cart and she laughed and said no. I picked the paper up and went to throw it into a large nearby trash receptacle. When I did so I banged my thumb on the side of the trash bin opening. I banged it hard. Ouch! Yes, I felt it. Yes, it hurt. Hours later I had a nice dark red bruise/hematoma on my skin where I banged it. The bruise was very ugly and very noticeable and over the next few days a number of people noticed it and commented on it, including a doctor's assistant.

It took like five days for the unsightly bruise to start going away (see photo). It looked a lot worse in the days before I took the photo.

So I did a good deed and got a bad bruise for my efforts. Is that what I get for helping someone, for doing a good deed? No good deed goes unpunished?

Upon reflection, I would do it again, I would help someone who needed help. I am a good deed doer. Even if no good deed goes unpunished. Even if I get a bad bruise for my good deed. Because I am a nice person who wants to help others. That's who I am.




awareness dreaming



Often, at night, when I am sleeping and dreaming, I am aware that I am dreaming. I thought it was weird, that maybe something was wrong with my brain. It's kind of like daydreaming only you're asleep. Was this being caused by something in my diet? A medication? A brain tumor? Or was I just going insane? It kept happening, night after night.

What do I mean, being aware that I am dreaming? It's almost like I am monitoring my dream. I am both inside the dream and outside of the dream, observing and commenting to myself on what is happening in the dream. Here's an example. Let's say I'm sound asleep and dreaming that I am talking to a dog ... and the dog is talking to me. Yes, I'm having a two-way conversation with a dog. At the same time, maybe in another part of my brain, I am observing the dream and thinking, "What the heck? Dogs don't exactly speak English. How is the dog talking to me? WHY is the dog speaking to me? Where did this crazy dream come from?" I am asleep but aware that I'm dreaming.

This being aware that I'm dreaming is happening every night. I became concerned so I looked it up on the internet. I found it. It's called "lucid dreaming". It's weird, interesting and kind of fun. "Lucid dreaming" is a documented and normal fairly common thing. And it adds a new dimension to my dreams. Being aware that you are dreaming is kinda cool. "Hey, I'm dreaming". It also helps to know you're dreaming if you have an unpleasant dream or a nightmare; it makes the dream less frightening and allows you to possibly wake yourself up if things get too scary.

And often, while lucid dreaming, I am amused or pleased by my dream. Being aware that I am dreaming can be an interesting and fun phenomenon. Especially if I'm having a sexy dream! It's almost like the real thing. Maybe better. And sometimes I can even guide the action. Oh, yeah!

Lucid dreaming. Now that, dreamwise, I know I'm not ill or crazy, lucid dreaming is cool. And interesting. And enlightening. And often fun. There are no limits as to what I can dream and I can be aware of what I'm dreaming as I'm dreaming it. I now look forward to lucid dreaming, every night. Tonight maybe I'll dream I'm a superhero. Or a billionaire. Or a writer.

"To sleep, perchance to dream"
- William Shakespeare




dick dick

A neighbor of mine, who is a Baby Boomer, told me that she is adopting a more millennial attitude, the attitude of: "don't know, don't care". Dk, dc. Pronounced dick dick. She said she is now applying dick dick to most things in her life. I see more and more of the dick dick attitude among both men and women today. Why? Possibly because there is TMI (too much information) and we humans can't process it all. News bombards us 24/7 and includes every little thing that happens anywhere and everywhere. TMN (too much news). Add to that everybody using their cell phone to notify each other about every little thing. "Here's a pic of the food I'm going to eat now." Or a text: "I'm in the bathroom (or the shower)." Or sexting photos of their genitals.

We are afflicted with i.o. (information overload). A natural response to this is to shut a lot of stuff out, ignore it, dismiss it, to not know and not care. Dick dick.

Are people today really not knowing and not caring about more and more things in life? Um, dick dick. I don't know and I don't care.



producktive sunday

Today is Sunday. Supposedly the day of rest. On this Sunday I was very pro-duck-tive.

Sunday morning I got up, ate breakfast, edited my blog, did two loads of laundry, went food shopping, did some fashion photography, cleaned the kitchen floor, cleaned the toilet, cleaned the shower doors. I did all these things before noon. WOW! For me, that's being very productive, especially on a Sunday. Then, after doing all that, it was lunch time. I ate lunch. Then took a nap. A well deserved nap.




getting old



Getting old sucks. Old men once had hair, teeth, and a dick that worked. Now they don't. Now they wear a hat, wear dentures, and take viagra.

When they were young, old men used to be strong. Now they can barely walk up the stairs.

Younger guys can eat tasty bad food, drink a lot of booze and party all night. When they get old they can have clogged arteries, a bad liver, and have to go to sleep at 10 o'clock.

It's no fun getting old. But, considering the alternative, being old is better than being dead. Being old may not be fun but being dead is REALLY not fun. The good news about being old is that, when you get old, you acquire wisdom. And peace. And, if you're a guy, you can still look at, and appreciate, pretty women (no, I am not promoting leering or ogling, just looking).

Getting old sucks. Is it worth it? Yes! In spite of the ailments and frailments of getting old - life gets simpler - and often better.




How to win Powerball



Powerball is a lottery game, with big jackpots, played in the U.S. It's played in 44 States, Washington D.C., Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands. Powerball games are held twice a week. Often, the jackpot exceeds $100 million.

The odds of winning the Powerball lottery jackpot are 292 million to 1.

So if you continue to play Powerball twice a week, and continue to not win the jackpot, all you have to do to win is live to be 2.92 million years old.

Hey, that'll motivate you to live to a ripe old age. Of course, if you're 3 million years old the bad news is that you'll probably be too old to enjoy spending any of your Powerball Jackpot. Not to mention that, if you play two $2 Powerball games a week, and win the jackpot 3 million years later, you will have spent about $600 million in doing so.

That's how you can win Powerball. OR, you can play and get lucky NOW!

Yes, I know the above is not statistically accurate. Statistically, each time you play Powerball you actually have a 1 in 292 million chance of winning the jackpot. That's even worse than having to live for 3 million years to win. I don't care, for $2 I play anyway and hope to get lucky NOW.




Ode to dad


I was lucky. I had a great dad. He took an interest in me, took time to be a good dad and, as a result, I had a wonderful childhood in upstate New York.

When I was a kid my dad took me places. Local places. He took me to the circus, on pony rides, to professional wrestling matches, basketball games, baseball games, swimming, bike riding, fruit and vegetable picking, hayrides, sleigh rides and everything else that was available in my town. I never lacked for interesting things to do with my dad. And, as a result, I developed an active interest in many things, including sports. As a 10-year-old kid I participated in playground basketball, baseball, football, tennis, swimming, fishing, ice skating, bike riding, sleigh riding (we lived on a hill), hiking (we lived near a mountain) and everything else a kid could do outside. It was fun. It was active. It was outdoors, in all four seasons. It was a fundamental and priceless non-school education. These activities allowed me to discover who I was, what my limits were, what I enjoyed and what I didn't enjoy, what I was good at and what I was not good at. As it turned out, except for bike riding, I was better at indoor games.

I was a lucky kid. I had a terrific active idyllic childhood and I am very grateful for it - and very grateful to my father for providing it and encouraging it. My early years were my life's formative experiences and, luckily, they were mostly good experiences, experiences which stood me in good stead throughout my entire lifetime. Thanks, dad, for helping me become me. You did a good job.




get paid for lying

From ABC News
"Telling little fibs leads down a slippery slope to bigger lies — and our brains adapt to escalating dishonesty, which makes deceit easier, a new study shows.

Neuroscientists at the University College London's Affective Brain Lab put 80 people in scenarios where they could repeatedly lie and get paid more based on the magnitude of their lies. They said they were the first to demonstrate empirically that people's lies grow bolder the more they fib."



Really? I could have told them that. People get paid MORE for bigger lies? What do you think they're going to do? Hmm, let's see, the choice is money or truth? Choose one or the other? Gee, what should people do? What WILL they do? Especially if they're not a millionaire. Duh.




freedom of speech

Freedom of speech. The first amendment. What does the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution actually say ... and mean?

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

CONGRESS shall make no law. Congress. That means the government. That means that the U.S. GOVERNMENT, and ONLY the government, shall not interfere with/abridge your freedom of speech. This does not apply to any private organization or person, only to the government. That means that you have no freedom of speech when it comes to corporations, companies, the workplace, the INTERNET, your cell phone service and other private entities. OMG! Hmm. I don't know about you but I never realized that before. Since I was old enough to walk and talk I thought we Americans had freedom of speech ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE.

Turns out we don't.


It appears that our freedom of speech in America is NOT guaranteed, except as it applies to the government. Freedom of speech protection apparently does not apply to the private sector. That being the case, when we are out and about should we start watching what we say, who we say it to, and where we say it? Apparently.




billboard for a dream



I had a dream. A weird dream. I do not understand why I had the dream, it made no sense.

I dreamt that I was trying to access Billboard.com on my computer and could not access the website.

Billboard is a leading big time music publication. I have no real life reason, or interest, in going to Billboard.com.

In my dream my computer was working fine and I could access other sites but, for some unknown reason, I was having trouble going to billboard.com and was frustrated because, for some unknown reason, it was important that I go to billboard.com. In my dream accessing Billboard was an ongoing money making proposition for me (I don't know why) and that day this access was worth $4,000. Yet, for some unknown reason, I was unable to gain access to the site. There was no error message, my browser(s) simply could not access the website. I kept trying, with the same result. Then I woke up.

This was a weird dream. I never go to billboard.com. I have no reason to go to billboard.com. I am not in the music business. I don't write songs; books and blogs yes, songs, no. I don't know any performers or agents or managers or record company staff in the big time music business. Normally I don't even LISTEN to music! Why am I dreaming about being unable to access Billboard.com?

A dream is supposed to reflect our emotions or outside influences. It's our brain absorbing, understanding and filing stuff, in it's own "language". I can understand dreaming about not accessing something, maybe I'm feeling blocked, shut out of something (I can't imagine what) but Billboard.com, a music business website? Where did THAT come from? So why did I have a weird dream about being unable to access the Billboard website? I have no idea. Any thoughts?




I do not speak tech



I read the following report in the tech section of Google News ... and didn't understand one word!

From boingboing.net:

"The fun-lovin' hackers at Adafruit banged together this teensy weensy MAME cabinet over a weekend; it's more of a kludge than a project, and they didn't document the build in its entirety, meaning that making your own is a challenge that the Fruits have thrown down before you.

The idea came about while discussing a gaming “bonnet” — a small accessory board precisely fitted to the Raspberry Pi Zero form-factor — which would include a few basic controls and a tiny monochrome OLED display.



Yes, techies have their own language. Kludge? Bonnet? Form-factor? MAME? MAME stands for Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator (whatever THAT is). I never heard of these terms but then again I'm old, non-technical, speak and write traditional English and live in the real world, on the planet Earth.

And in case you don't know, Adafruit Industries is not a food company. According to Wikipedia it's an open-source hardware company based in New York City. It was founded by Limor Fried in 2005, in her Massachusetts Institute of Technology dorm room. She is a former MIT hacker and an engineer. Her goal was to create the best place online for learning electronics and making the best designed products for makers of all ages and skill levels. Adafruit has expanded offerings to include tools, equipment and electronics that Limor personally selects, tests and approves before going in to the Adafruit store. Limor was the first female engineer on the cover of WIRED magazine.

Here is a photo of Limor Fried:

She's the one on the left

And here is what a Adefruit miniature MAME Cabinet looks like:





to be a painter



Lately I have been having a daydream. What's the daydream? The daydream is that I would love to be an artist painter.

Being an artist appeals to me. Being a painter appeals to me. The colors, the images, the light, the shapes, the creativity, the vision put on canvas. I would love to be a painter, to create art, art which hopefully would sell in art galleries for tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands, or millions, of dollars per painting. Not to mention the groupies I could have. Ah, what a life that would be. Sitting in front of an easel, indoors and sometimes outdoors, bringing forth art, bringing forth creative artistic magical moments with paint and brush. Magical hours and days of high expectation, high frustration and high satisfaction. Me in sync with the easel, creating art.

I would love to be a painter. A good painter. A great painter. So why don't I become a painter? Because I can't paint. I know little or nothing about how to paint. When I was in kindergarten, we had art class and we used to paint and draw. I was lousy at it. In fact, even with crayons, I couldn't color within the lines. I still can't color within the lines. At a young age I quickly gave up the idea and the appeal of being an artist painter. Now strangely, a lifetime later, I have the daydream, the fantasy, of being a painter. I do not know why. Yes, I could try it, I could become a artist painter. Yes, I could buy the paints, brushes, canvas - and maybe take some classes - but in my heart I know it would not be a good experience. I would be a lousy painter and it would not make me happy. For me, being an artist painter is a daydream, a fantasy, no doubt just a temporary longing, a passing desire. Every dream need not be pursued, only the ones that don't go away. Perhaps I will lovingly and longingly keep the fantasy of being an artist painter - and stick to writing.

They say "a picture is worth a thousand words". Maybe the reverse is true. Maybe a thousand words is worth a picture.




too hot coffee



My coffee is too hot and I can't figure out why.

I add a little vanilla ice cream to my coffee when I have coffee at home. I have 2-3 cups a day. I add Dreyer's Slow Churned Classic Vanilla ice cream. It has less fat and less sugar than the regular vanilla ice cream. I know, adding ice cream to your coffee sounds a bit weird but the vanilla ice cream adds flavor, makes it creamier, like cafe au lait, and immediately makes the coffee cool enough to start drinking without waiting until it cools off on its own. I enjoy coffee at home that way. Yes, I know, it's not trendy. And it's not Starbucks. And it doesn't cost $5 a cup. I've been doing it that way for decades and it works great, at least for me. At least it worked until now. The last 1.5 quart container of this ice cream I bought does not cool off my coffee immediately when I add it. For the past several days, when I add my usual amount of this ice cream, my coffee has been too hot to drink immediately. The ice cream does not instantly cool it off enough to drink it, like it used to do. How could cold ice cream not be cold enough? I checked my freezer and it's working fine, everything in there is cold, if not rock solid and frozen, including my ice cream. Why is my Dreyer's Slow Churned Classic Vanilla suddenly not cold enough to immediately cool off my coffee so I can drink it?

I am not a food chemist so I don't know why this ice cream no longer quickly cools my coffee when I add it. It's a mystery. An annoying mystery. It used to work perfectly, this ice cream would cool my coffee enough to drink it immediately. Now it doesn't. I use the same amount of ice cream in my coffee as I always have. I use the same cup for my morning coffee (yes, I wash it). And my spoons are the same size they have always been. And I have used the exact same jar of instant coffee for weeks. And water boils at the same temperature as it always has, 212 degrees Fahrenheit, 100 degrees Celsius. It isn't the coffee, the cup, the boiling water or the spoon, it's gotta be the ice cream. Now I have to wait a few extra minutes for my coffee to be less hot - or risk burning my lips, tongue, mouth and/or throat. Now I have to wait an extra five minutes in the morning in order to drink my coffee, wake up, and face the world. Hey, I'm busy, and sleepy, I don't want to have to wait! And, no, I don't want to put an ice cube in my coffee.

I do not know what happened. Suddenly, the ice cream doesn't work? It doesn't cool my coffee? And I had the same problem with another flavor: Dreyer's Slow Churned French Vanilla. Could Dreyer's have added or removed or changed a basic component of their ice cream, the cooling component? Is their ice cream no longer cold? I don't know, that seems impossible, impossible yet possibly true. All I know is that if something ain't broke, don't fix it! That includes my morning coffee.




will strippers become hookers?



stealing her hard earned money

The State of Louisiana has raised the legal age for exotic dancers from 18 to 21. Why? To combat sex trafficking.

Is this law a good idea? Let's see. Among other things, the law will prevent many female high school graduates from going to college, as the law would prevent 18, 19, 20 year-old females from becoming even a part time exotic dancer. Thus, the law may have the unintended consequence of preventing young women of legal age (18) from earning enough money to afford college.

The state is being sued on the law, for discrimination. In a federal lawsuit, the dancers say the law violates the First Amendment by denying them freedom of expression, and violates the Constitution's equal protection clause by unfairly targeting women.

How so? They say the law's definition of strip club performers as "entertainers whose breasts or buttocks are exposed to view" fails to prohibit the same conduct by male strippers who are between the ages of 18 and 21. Hey, fair and equal means fair and equal, right?

One plaintiff says she has witnessed pimps and prostitutes trying to use the new law in a New Orleans strip club to "recruit entertainers who are now lawfully employed, but who will lose their jobs as a result of the Act."

Another plaintiff, identified as an 18-year-old LSU student, says other dancers under 21 have told her they plan to switch to prostitution once they can no longer dance.



Once again, politicians and bureaucrats, in trying to make things better, will make things worse. Congratulations, Louisiana, in combating sex trafficking this law will probably create more used and abused and exploited young women. This law will rob women, age 18-20, of an excellent job opportunity and a lucrative career and a way to pay for college. And will motivate 18-20 year-old female strippers to turn into hookers and call girls and sex workers. With this law the State of Louisiana is taking away a young woman's right to earn a legal living as an 18-20 year-old exotic dancer. Thus the state may, in reality, be helping to create more hookers and more illegal prostitution. And more abused and exploited and sex trafficked young women. And that helps young women, how?

This law is a bad idea. Repeal it.




A ban on pressure cookers



cooking up a bomb?

Terrorists seem to like making bombs out of pressure cookers. I understand that maybe it's because pressure cookers have a tight seal and apparently that makes for a good bomb. I wouldn't know. In any event, using "liberal logic", if pressure cookers are being used to create violence and death then let's ban pressure cookers! Yes, it's just like the gun issue. Let's treat pressure cookers the same as guns. People use guns to kill people so we should ban guns. People use pressure cookers to kill people so we should ban pressure cookers!

Plus, unlike guns, Americans have no Constitutional right to own a pressure cooker. So taking away people's pressure cookers should be a lot easier.

Let's ban pressure cookers! Let's take away your pressure cooker! C'mon, nobody really needs to own a pressure cooker. And, if you do use a pressure cooker, you need to change your eating habits and stop using a pressure cooker - it's the least you can do to save lives! Thanks to a-hole terrorists pressure cookers are dangerous! Pressure cookers harm others! Ban pressure cookers! Or, at the very minimum, make it difficult to get a pressure cooker and make people get a license to own one. And make a law that says people have to keep their pressure cooker at home locked up in a "pressure cooker safe". And make sure they can't legally carry a concealed pressure cooker in public.

Yeah, that'll work. Banning guns will make America safer from criminals. Banning pressure cookers will make America safer from terrorists. Yeah, sure it will. No more pressure cookers, no more terrorism!

And I don't even mind if America DOES ban pressure cookers - because I don't cook!



Yes, this entry, a ban on pressure cookers, is satire. I'm kidding. Or not.




Microsoft sucks again!



It never loads, it just sits there spinning

So I got a Microsoft Windows 10 update (KB318), an update that didn't download. For 3 hours the download was stuck at 45%. I searched online for a fix. The fix was too complicated for a non professional non-geek (me). I phoned Microsoft tech support and, after being on hold for 15 minutes, I finally got a live person - in India. It was difficult to understand his heavily accented English. He told me that perhaps the problem was that the servers were very busy due to everyone downloading the update. Like it's OUR fault! I responded, "Get more servers."

The tech took control of my computer remotely and, one-and-a-half hours later, the update was finally downloaded (manually, by him) and was finally installed on my computer. Exhausted and annoyed, I thanked Microsoft for wasting 1.5 hours of my time and hung up, finally able to start my day online.


Why doesn't stuff work like it's supposed to? Why does this happen? Why does this happen all too often? A Windows 10 update that gets stuck and doesn't download? WHY? WHY should we non-technical, non-geek consumers have to suffer the lost time and frustration of things that don't work? Why is the tech industry incompetent - and arrogant about being incompetent? WHY don't they make stuff that works, WHY don't they launch products that work properly in the first place? WHY are there annoying bugs in practically every electronic device product we buy? WHY should we non-geek consumers be forced to become technologically savvy, become tech engineers? I am not handy. I don't fix my own car, why should I have to fix my electronic devices, especially n-e-w electronic devices? Especially new electronic devices that don't work right when launched. Or updates that get stuck and don't download.

As for my update that wouldn't download, it's not MY job to download and install automatic Windows updates, Microsoft, it's YOUR job!

Also read Happy Anniversary, Microsoft. You suck!