The problem everyone wants to have



I need to gain weight. I need to gain 3-5 pounds. That's a problem lots of people would love to have.

Here's what happened

I felt a little underweight so I weighed myself. I was right. I was 3-4 pounds under my usual normal and happily chosen weight. Hmm. So I ate some junk food for a couple of days. I didn't eat enough of it because I didn't really gain the 3-4 pounds I wanted to gain. I resumed my normal "healthy" food regimen. Two weeks later I weighed myself agin. I had lost another 2 pounds! What was happening? Was I sick? Was I dying? I had been eating healthy food almost every day. Why was I losing weight? I did not want to lose weight. I was starting to look too thin. Too thin? There's no such thing! As they say, "You can't be too rich or too thin." Yes, you can be too thin. You might be sick. Or dying.

Because I was eating a bit lightly and very healthily, I thought maybe I wasn't eating enough calories. I wrote down everything I usually eat on any given day. Then, I looked up the caloric content of each food. It turned out that I was eating 1,515 calories per day. I looked that up to see what it meant. What it said was that, at 1,515 calories a day, and light exercise, I would lose one pound a week. That's exactly what happened! I then looked how many calories a person of my gender, height, weight and age should be eating. I looked it up using the same SuperTracker calculator that the U.S. federal government's Department of Agriculture used. It said I should be eating 2,324 calories a day. 800 more calories! I should be eating 50% MORE calories per day! I was shocked! I thought my nutrition was proper. I thought I was eating "healthy". Turns out that eating healthy and lightly made me lose weight I didn't want to lose.

What to do? I now had a problem that everyone would like to have: I wanted to GAIN weight.

How to gain some pounds? Hmm. I did not want to eat a lot of junk food everyday. Or high fat foods. Or high sugar foods. I would gain weight but I might also shortly get clogged arteries and diabetes. Should I eat some junk food? Hell, yes. Tomorrow, I am going to have a double cheeseburger for dinner. And fries. The day after that I am going to have a ton of Chinese food. And, a day or two after that, I am going to have a foot long meatball sandwich, with Swiss cheese. But then I will stop eating like that consistently, to avoid clogged arteries, diabetes, obesity, and death. So far, I have gained 2 pounds. That's good but what to add to my diet on an ongoing basis that is reasonably healthy yet contains many calories? Here's what I found. I can't chew nuts et al (I have dentures). Peanut butter has saturated fat and not enough calories. Upon doing a lot of research, I decided on chocolate. Dark chocolate. Dark chocolate has lots of calories, is good for your heart and is VERY tasty. Yummy! And I'm also going to add a banana or two per day to my morning cereal. And, despite raising my cholesterol and sugar levels, maybe I'll add "bad" food 1-2 times a week. "Bad" food like meatball sandwiches, pizza, and, yes, more cheeseburgers. And fries.

And, hopefully, I will gain a few more pounds. And, hopefully, that will solve the problem, the problem that everyone would like to have.




porn spam for me



For the past few months I have been getting a lot of sex dating spam. Before that I wasn't getting much of it. Now, I am. I've been getting up to 50 porn dating spams a day. Today, I got 60. No, I didn't open any or look at any of the email porn pics. I do not click on any links and delete all my spams ASAP -- as they might contain viruses!

I don't know why I am getting porn/sex dating spam. I did not sign up for any porn sites or adult dating sites lately. And I certainly don't want to visit any of the porn or adult hookup sites offered in my porn spam.

The porn spam I get is both the same and different, depending on the subject line. Today I got porn and adult dating spam offering Lonely Wife Hookup, Latin Women Date Team, Naked Women Selfies, Hookup Cougars, Lonely Russian Girls, Online Viagra, and a Sex Dating Club. And, according to one subject line, I have a letter waiting from a Horny Beauty! Another subject line was: "Stay naughty with a frisky beauty".

Do I want any of this stuff? No. Do I open any of this stuff? No.

A message to spammers: "Don't bother to send me spam (especially porn/sex dating spam). Don't waste your time and money. I'm not signing up for anything you send me. I don't even bother to open your spam emails, I just immediately delete them."

UPDATE
I guess the spammers weren't listening. Today, several weeks later, I got 95 porn spams.




Toilet roll - over or under - solved



Should the roll of toilet paper on the holder be under or over? Let's put the age-old debate to rest once and for all.

It goes o-v-e-r.

Why should the toilet paper unroll outwardly, over the holder? Because guys pee standing up. When a male is peeing standing up he may need to blow his nose, or wipe his penis and, if the toilet roll unwinds under, males can't reach it. If it unrolls over, males can reach it and use it - while standing up.

As women pee sitting down, they can easily tear off the toilet paper from either under or over, it makes little difference. To us guys, it makes a BIG difference. If we have to reach the roll and it's under, we may have to bend down to reach it, and could pee on ourselves, our clothes, or drip on a surface area not in the bowl.

So, ladies, until all males start peeing sitting down, PLEASE, if you use a roller, put the toilet paper on the roller so it unrolls outwards ... i.e. OVER. Unless, of course, if no man ever uses your bathroom, then it doesn't matter.

And, no, the "over" toilet roll solution is not an assertion of male dominance. It's an assertion of convenience, common sense, and cleanliness.




why is my internet so slow?



My wireless AT&T DSL internet speed is slow. It's always been slow. I never get more than 5 mbps. It's been that way for over a decade. And they don't EVER upgrade in my area! I don't know why. They don't know why. Maybe they don't give a damn?

Why don't I switch to another, faster internet provider? I can't. The only other internet provider for my address (an upscale zip code in Los Angeles) is Spectrum. Spectrum offers speeds up to 100 mbps for my residence but, due to an unusual billing circumstance, I am not able to get it. So, I am stuck with 4-5 mbps slow internet. I am forced to limp along with slow internet speed at home. Or move. I have lived at this residence for decades and do not want to move. Unless I win the lottery. As I use my computer for many hours each day the slow speed sucks. And I am stuck with it. Thank you, AT&T, you suck.




Fear of zombies



"The Chapman University Survey of American Fears Wave 3 (2016) provides an unprecedented look into the fears of average Americans". In April of 2016, they took a random sample of 1,511 adults from across the United States. The survey reported on people being "afraid" or "very afraid".

Here are some of the fears they discovered (No, I did not make any of these things up):

25.9% had a fear of public speaking.

7.8% had a fear of clowns.

10.2% had a fear of zombies.



Zombies? Over 10% of adults have a fear of zombies? OK, I can understand having a fear of public speaking. And clowns. But zombies? Hey, morons, zombies don't exist, zombies are not real, there are no zombies! Zombies don't exist in real life, only on TV and in horror movies. If you see a zombie, it's just good makeup and wardrobe, not a real zombie. Not real. Zombies are not real. Now, on the other hand, that monster hiding under your bed ...




watermelon erection



August 3rd is National Watermelon Day

From Consumer Reports

"What better way to celebrate National Watermelon Day than with a cool, refreshing slice; but with something so sweet and satisfying, we wondered: Is watermelon good for you?

Turns out, this inexpensive, delicious, and versatile fruit really does live up to its name. “As with all fruits and vegetables, watermelon is very nutritious, and it’s quite delicious” says Lisa Sasson, M.S., R.D., clinical associate professor of nutrition at New York University. “As its name implies, it’s mostly water [92 percent] and is a great way to hydrate yourself in the warmer weather.” She suggests that you can even use it as a post-workout snack to replenish fluids lost during exercise.

Plus, it supplies a bounty of vitamins and minerals such as B vitamins, potassium, vitamin A, and vitamin C—all for the very low cost of just 46 calories per cup.

But the nutrient watermelon is most known for is not a vitamin or a mineral, Sasson says, but a phytonutrient called lycopene—a powerful antioxidant that gives the fruit’s flesh its characteristic pink hue. “Like all phytonutrients, lycopene appears to protect against some cancers, such as prostate cancer and breast cancer,” says Sasson. “It may also help protect against heart disease.”
Lately, I have been eating watermelon on a daily basis. I started eating watermelon before I came across the article.


Why did I start eating watermelon? What they don't say in the above article is that watermelon is reportedly very helpful for erectile dysfunction. Really? Yes, I can attest to that. I'm no longer a teenager (or in my 20's, or my 30's or my 40's) and after eating some watermelon I soon no longer have a dead dick. An hour or two after eating watermelon I walk around with a pleasant tingling feeling down there, and my organ comes back from the dead. Imagine that, I now have a zombie dick!

Plus, watermelon is a lot cheaper than erectile dysfunction drugs. And watermelon is not a pharmaceutical, a pharmaceutical with side effects. The only side effect I experience with watermelon is having to pee, because watermelon is mostly water.

Guys, if you're older and have erection problems, you might want to try eating watermelon. A couple of small slices/pieces does it for me. Try it. You'll be glad you did.

Ladies, if your guy is 40 or older, buy some watermelon and get him to eat it. You'll be glad you did.




Facebook fiasco



Suddenly I could not log in to facebook. When I tried to log in, the facebook sign-in page said my account has been locked. For "security" reasons. Because there had been a "change" in my account. Yeah, a few days before, facebook made me change my password. After years, suddenly they want me to change my password? Anyway, I changed my password. After accepting and OK-ing my new password, facebook would not let me sign in using my new password! It gave me a message telling me once again that my account was locked and I had to change my password. What, again? I just fucking changed it!

I tried signing in several times, with the same result. I got the same message - instructing me to change my password. I am NOT going to change my facebook password AGAIN!

Obviously, facebook has some kind of bug. I tried to contact them regarding the problem but facebook has no contact phone number or email address. It is impossible to contact facebook. They do not want to hear from their subscribers, their customers. Ever. I finally found a facebook "Feedback" form and sent them a message about the log-in bug. So far, they haven't fixed it.

And, to make matters worse, I have signed up for, and sign in to, lot of sites on the internet using my facebook account. Now I can't do that either. And I can't even delete my facebook account - because I can't LOG IN!

Based on that, until further notice, I will no longer be using facebook. Because I can't. Nice going, facebook.




Blue Shield Sucks


I have Blue Shield of California health insurance. I have never had any problems with them. Until now.

Last month they sent me a notice saying that they would be updating their automatic premium payment plan, "Easy Pay", and I would have to re-register my payment info the next month. OK, I can do that - even though it's a minor annoyance and they should have been able to automatically transfer my payment plan and payment info (it hasn't changed).

On April 3, 2017 I went online to the the Blue Shield of California website to re-register my payment info. I went to the website - and access was denied. What? Yes, I had the correct url but the site would not let me gain access. Online access was "denied". WTF? I tried several times with the same result. Access denied? Why? I have no idea. I have had this insurance for years and have always paid on time and my info was up to date.

I then phoned customer support. The automated voice said "If you are calling about updating Easy Pay Press 9". I pressed 9. The support person who answered informed me that I had the wrong department. WTF? The support person then transferred me to the correct department. I was put on hold. So far I have been on hold for 20 minutes. WTF?

So I can't access their website. And I can't speak to someone at Blue Shield because no one picks up the fucking phone. If I can't access their website or speak to a representative I can't re-register my payment info - and can't pay my monthly premium. If I can't pay my monthly premium they will drop my insurance coverage ... and, without health insurance I will die! WTF?