heat seeking penis missile

FRIDAY, Dec. 30, 2016 (HealthDay News) -- Doctors report that they have crafted a penis implant that becomes erect when heated. The new implant uses a heat-activated exoskeleton of nitinol, a metal known for its elasticity.

A urologist could do a simplified operation to insert the nitinol implant, which would remain flaccid at body temperature but could expand when heated. The implant designers are working on a remote-control device that could be waved over the penis to induce heat and expand the implant.

Huh. A heat seeking penis missile. What will they think of next? Will it automatically get hard in warm weather? Will it work better in hotter climates? Will the implant have automatic summer hard-ons? Will your cell phone signal accidentally activate it? When the guy with the heat seeking penis is done having an erection does he have to stick his dick in the freezer to make it soft again?

Pot jobs

New job opportunities for Americans. Pot jobs. Yes, marijuana. Thanks to many states legalizing pot for medical or recreational use the cannabis industry is booming!

From fool.com

"the cannabis industry extends beyond just growing, processing, and budtending at the retail level. Job opportunities are flourishing in security (since most banks refuse to deal with marijuana-based businesses, cash is still king), courier and delivery services, regulation, web and software development, consulting, and marketing. In fact, CNBC notes that roughly 400 students have enrolled in a 12-course program offered by the Northeastern Institute of Cannabis in Natick, Massachusetts that'll potentially jump-start their career in the cannabis industry. As with any industry, employment pay can vary, but managers and shop owners can certainly make six figures under the right conditions."

Yeah, soon kids will go to college or trade school - and major in marijuana. At least they'll love the homework! Then, after graduation, with a Dope Degree, they can enter the cannabis industry and make a career of it. "Hey, man, don't bug me about my stinky joint, smoking pot is my job!"

Assuming it's true, here's a news story that proves the future has already arrived. From MyNewsLA:

Most employers bar drug-takers. But an Orange County (south of Los Angeles) -educated man’s help-wanted ad on Craigslist insists that applicants be “420 friendly” — at ease with marijuana use.

“If you don’t test positive for marijuana, it will be strange and interesting,” says the ad for a promotional marketing manager with BudTrader.com, which calls itself the largest online medical marijuana marketplace. “But medical marijuana use is not a requirement.”

Pay isn’t bad for someone who needs only a high school diploma or GED: “$60,000 base [a year], plus bonuses, commissions and unlimited ‘samples’ of various marijuana/CBD/hemp-related products.”

Others perks: You get to “oversee [a] bevy of supermodel promo girls at upcoming events” and you get a free gym membership with a haircut and styling by a “top stylist.”

Care To Comment?

Death to Porch Pirates

From USA Today

"Thanks to modern technology, we can buy just about anything online and get it delivered to our doorstep in a snap. Not only has that been insanely convenient for us, but it’s also created a giant window of opportunity for so-called “porch pirates” too.

According to a recent report, at least 23 million Americans have had packages stolen from their porches, mailboxes, and stoops."

According to the LA Times: "They operate in the middle of the day, when many residents are at work and the delivery vans are making their rounds. They tend to follow FedEx, UPS and U.S. mail workers down streets, on the lookout for packages they can nab. Some even dress in uniforms to avoid suspicion."

Porch pirates? Maybe homeowners should pressure their political representatives in Congress to pass a federal law making porch piracy a death sentence offense. Or at least life imprisonment. Or put up a fake security camera with a sign saying "Smile, you're on camera. Die bitch." Or, if you're expecting a package, stay home - with a gun - and wait for a porch pirate to arrive and try to steal it.

watch your language

Here's a couple of funny language puns I made up. Say/read the punchline fast.

1. What did the lady say when she went to a Paris health spa and was asked if she wanted a massage by a handsome young stud on staff?

She said, "Oui, masseur".

2. What did the regular patron at a fancy Southern restaurant say when the waitress asked him if he wanted his usual champagne? "Oui, ma Dom".

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary! To me. As of December 7, 2016 it is been 5 years since I smoked a cigarette. On December 7, 2011, I stopped smoking - and started vaping. That's right, after decades of smoking a pack a day, thanks to electronic cigarettes (e-cigs), I stopping smoking - in 1 day!
And, as a result, my house doesn't stink, my car doesn't stink, and I don't stink. The e-cig brand that I use has no odor at all! And, with e-cigs, there's no filthy ashes, no matches or lighter needed, no burning, no littering and NO deadly second hand smoke.

And I am not inhaling the thousands of unhealthy chemicals usually added to tobacco, because electronic cigarettes contain NO tobacco!

Happy Anniversary, to me. As of December 7, 2016 I have not smoked a cigarette in 5 years. Not one. And I don't miss it and I don't even WANT a cigarette. I prefer my e-cig.

Happy Anniversary, to me! And my cardiologist, my other doctors and my family and friends are happy about it too! And, since my mouth doesn't stink from cigarettes, and doesn't smell and taste like an ashtray, women might even want to kiss me. THAT'S reason enough to celebrate!

As for the government hysteria over teens using e-cigs, the minimum legal age for buying e-cigs in California in 2017 will be 21. If the government wants to stop teens and pre-teens from vaping, instead of overtaxing/banning e-cig sales to adults, ENFORCE THE LAW.

hard of hearing?

Are you having some difficulty hearing? Feel like one of your ears is blocked, or both ears? I did too. Keep reading.

Years ago I started having trouble hearing. Both ears felt like they were clogged. I, of course, ignored the issue as I did not want to deal with hearing loss, hearing aids or deafness. I chalked it up to aging. Yes, I was over 40, no longer young. OK, I was over 50.

I ignored my hearing problem for months. OK, years. It wasn't getting any better but it was not getting a lot worse either. My father had to wear a hearing aid later in life. Was my hearing difficulty hereditary? Maybe. Getting old sucks. And some people lose their hearing while they are in their 20's, 30's or 40's. Life sucks. Ears suck. Keep reading.

Finally, I could stand it no longer. I could not hear anything at normal volume. I had to get my hearing checked and, if I had to get a hearing aid, so be it. I dreaded making an appointment with an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist but I did. I showed up for my "hearing loss death sentence", and in the examination room sat down in the patient chair. The doctor came in and I said,"Hello, I can't hear." He nodded and proceeded to look in both my ears. Then, to my surprise he said, "Congratulations. You have the most ear wax I have ever seen in my 30 years of practicing medicine." "What?" I replied. He then told me that the reason I thought I was going deaf was because my ear canals were blocked with ear wax. "What?" I replied. "What does that mean? Why is it happening? And how do we fix it?" The doctor said that my ear canals were abnormally shaped and this did not allow the ear wax to normally exit but instead caused my ears to become clogged. I asked him how long had this been going on? Was it a sign of age? He told me that I probably had the increasing wax buildup for decades, that's why I was "hard of hearing". I was not losing my hearing at all, my ears were clogged, my ear canals were not getting rid of earwax as ears normally do and it built up until I could not hear normally. Huh. The doctor proceeded to clean out my ear canals - painlessly. It took like half an hour. He was quite impressed with the amount of ear wax I had accumulated. I said, "It's not my fault that my ear canals are funky."

After the treatment I could hear again! In fact, now that my stupid ear canals were no longer clogged with ear wax, I could hear as good as when I was in my 20's. Maybe better! And I was no longer hard of hearing. And I did not need a hearing aid(s). And I was not going deaf. Wow! I was a happy patient.

And, since my ears did not expel ear wax like normal ears, every six months or so I visited the doctor and he cleaned out my ear canals - and I could hear perfectly again. I had the hearing of a teenager!

That's my story. What's yours? The reason I wrote this true story is that, if you're having trouble hearing, stop delaying and go visit the doctor. Maybe, just maybe, like me you won't need a hearing aid or aren't going deaf. And, even if you are, hearing aids today are tiny and practically invisible. And they even have implants now. So, please go have your hearing checked. It's no fun not being able to hear well, especially if it's easily fixed. Go. Go now. You'll be glad you did. So will everyone around you.

Parents as bad as teens

From NYDailyNews

"Parents of teens have just as egregious a screen habit as their tech-savvy offspring, a new report from the nonprofit Common Sense Media found.

The national survey of almost 1,800 parents of kids ages 8 to 18 found parents spent on average more than nine hours a day with TVs, computers, video game consoles, e-readers, smartphones and other devices — 82% of which was “personal screen media” rather than work-related."

According to NPR, "And despite spending a big chunk of their day with a device, most parents — 78 percent — told the researchers that they are modeling good media habits for their kids."

Good media models for their kids? Really? Parents spend 9 hours a day on their screens and think they are setting a good example for their children? Nine hours a day? If a parent works 8 hours, spends an hour getting to and from work, and gets 6 hours of sleep a night that comes to 15 hours per workday. That leaves 9 hours a day. So, parents, like their kids, are on their screens EVERY minute of their free time? OMG. That leaves no time for a family to talk together, to communicate without distraction, for a parent to teach their kids good values, no time for reality, no time for nature, no time for anything that does not involve a screen. In other words, parents have no time to parent. That is not good for society, or it's children.

Young and nearsighted

From livescience.com

"Teens and young adults who spend more time outdoors may be less likely to become nearsighted later in life than those who spend less time outdoors, a new study suggests.

People in the study who spent more time exposed to ultraviolet B (UVB) radiation — which the researchers calculated based on the participants' exposure to sunlight — between ages 14 and 39 were less likely to be nearsighted at 65 than those who spent less time exposed to UVB radiation, the researchers found.

"Increased UVB exposure was associated with reduced myopia, particularly in adolescence and young adulthood," the researchers wrote in the study, published yesterday (Dec. 1) in the journal JAMA Ophthalmology. Myopia is a term that eye doctors use for nearsightedness, where people can more clearly see objects if they are closer."

Wrong. I say teens and young people who spend all their time indoors are more likely to be nearsighted, not just due to lack of sunlight, but mainly because they are constantly staring at and using their cell phones 24/7, 2 feet from their face! Doing that for years will train your eyes to see clearly things that are close but near zero training on focusing clearly on things that are far away, due to not looking at things farther away than your cell phone. Duh.

can't start 'em too young. or can you?

deadly drowsy driving

From Minneapolis StarTribune

"Drivers who sleep less than seven hours a night significantly raise their risk of getting in a crash, and motorists who miss two to three hours of sleep in a 24-hour period are about as dangerous as those who drive while drunk.

Those are two of the findings of a new study out Tuesday from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety looking at the dangers associated with drowsy driving, which is a factor in more than one in five motor vehicle crashes each year."

WOW, driving while drowsy can be deadly! To you and me.

The place to fall asleep is in bed not in the driver's seat.